decided to post something i penned down in my journal today.

" Lord,
I'm hurting and it seems as if no one cares. I'm crying on my way to church. Pop music is playing on TV mobile. I'm self-centered but don't want to be. It feels as if there are so many people to reach out to, but i too need to be reached out to. I haven't been reading my Bible and praying. I need God. Tears rolling down my cheeks.Was thinking so hard that I almost miss my bus just now. What is the root cause of all these? I don't know. +..............+ On my way to chuch now. At sixth avenue. Still crying. Think my eyes are red. Is this the Christian Life? Want to cry somewhere but not on the bus. Anne, don't know what happened to her. Don't know what to say to her. Don't know how to encourage her. Now at the red light outside turf city. Is this all to the Christian Life? Stressed up. Feelings taking control. Don't want it to. Argh!!! Help!"

that was most i penned down. the +..........+ part was something left out. but this was in the afternoon. I ask myself, is this really all to the christian life? Sinning, giving into temptation, letting the Devil have a control over me, letting him have me right where he wants me. NO, i really don't think so.

Are you sastifed with the life you are living now? for me, no i'm not sastified. I need victory, victory over sin and temptation. How? A spirit- filled life? i dunno, i'm still learning......


When God is near, all the world seems far away. When God is near, every fear is set aside. When God is near, how can I stray, how can I falter? I'll stay upon the altar. I know my God is near...Make me know Thy presence Lord, when I feel so alone. You know each trial and testing pain. The hurt that is unknown. Oh why can I not see?